Preconceived notions or biases are signs of poor listening. The life coach cannot project personal values onto the client's words and expect to be listening well. A good listener also does not jump to conclusions or finish the client's sentences. Instead, the life coach erases all preconceived notions and listens with a fresh mind. The life coach also does not interject judgment or opinion, especially when none was solicited. Judgment is one of the greatest obstacles to good communication. As Carter-Scott & Stewart (2007) put it, "judgments are the cancer of interpersonal relationships," (p. 61). The life coach seeks to connect with the client while suspending all judgment. A life coach learns about the client in a state of attentiveness and presence of mind. By emptying the mind and releasing the need to be right or superior, the life coach listens with an open heart. Asking open-ended questions to establish flow with clients, rather than using yes/no questions that close off the client to further talk, promotes good listening and establishes a positive communication flow.
Getting stuck on a word, idea, or concept is a poor listening habit, too. The life coach needs to use pen and paper to discharge the preoccupation with that one word or idea to refocus on the client. Almost all poor listening habits can be overcome with tools, resources, and practice.
Whitworth (2007) states, "listening is a talent each of us is given in some measure," (p. 31). While this may be true, listening is also a skill and an art that can be honed and developed. Spence & Grant (2007) found that life coaching and counseling share in common the need to listen actively. Both coaches and counselors depend on strong communication skills. Empirical evidence shows that listening actively yields results "Compared to peer coachees and controls, coachees of professional coaches were more engaged in the coaching process, had greater goal commitment and progression, and greater well-being in terms of environmental mastery," (Spence & Grant 2007). Similarly, Young & Cates (2010) found that mentoring and life coaching share in common an emphasis on strong listening. Both...
Not all listening involves hearing, after all. Watching the client's body language is a means of listening to the client. If the client is rambling, the client's ideas are not focused. It is the life coach's job to refocus the client on the issues and priorities they brought to the session. Similarly, the client is not offering eye contact the life coach needs to pay attention to why. Eye contact may be related to cultural norms, but more often than not, establishment of eye contact is a signal of communication flow (Carter-Scott & Stewart 2007). The life coach also needs to listen to the self: to the inner voices and intuition; to potential distractions; and to body language. Engaging the client by assuming an active listening body posture or maintaining eye contact are some of the practical ways life coaches can incorporate active listening into their practices.
References
Banis, L. (2010). The five levels of listening. Retrieved online: http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Five-Levels-of-Listening&id=5115474
Bentley, C. (2008). Life Coaching for Real. Lulu.
Carter-Scott, C. & Stewart, L.U. (2007). Transformational Life Coaching: Creating Limitless Opportunities for Yourself and Others. HCI.
Dunbar, A. (2009). Essential Life Coaching Skills. Taylor & Francis.
Spence, G.B. & Grant, A.M. (2007). "Professional and peer life coaching and the enhancement of goal striving and well-being: An exploratory study." The Journal of Positive Psychology 2(3): 185-194.
Whitworth, L. (2007). Co-Active Coaching. Davies-Black.
Woodcock, C. (2010). The Listening Guide for coaching: exploring qualitative, relational, voice-centered, evidence-based methodology for coaches. Coaching 3(2): 144-154
Young, R.W. & Cates, C.M. (2010). Listening, Play, and Social Attraction in the Mentoring of New Teachers. Mentoring…
